Huge, life changing meeting today...PSYCHE!!!!!!!

So I had another meeting today. Last month, and the month before that, and the month before that, I met with a company that has been interested in signing me as a writer. I have, until recently, not really wanted to write only, but be a performing artist.
This last year on the road changed my mind. I got home this spring and really wanted to stay there for a while. Too many hotel rooms, too many miles and gas stations and Zingers, too many shows for groups that didnt care who was up there singing... I just really got burned out on the idea of that being my life. Constantly being away from Holly and out of the loop with friends and church and family... Got real old.
I know that some artists' lives look much different than mine. Some artists have their own private love jet. SOme artists are sponsored on thier tours by Absolut. Some artists travel with an entire entourage of homeboys and souljah's, just to keep it real. I, however, realized somewhere down the line that the vast majority of singer/songwriters do this, mostly, on thier own. Yeah, maybe they have a Belmont sophomore riding along and selling t-shirts s thier "tour manager", but for the most part, especially in the Xian market, if you arent at the very, very top... you arent riding with your wifey in the Passenger Seat (love that pun) and your posse in the second tour bus behind you. Most low- to mid level artists pretty much do exactly what I do, just with a song or two on the radio that sells a few more cds.
This is not to say that I dont want to perform. I do- just not every day, 500 miles from where I was yesterday, alone, and in the TourTurtle ( myRav4). I enjoy the solitude sometimes- the books on tape, the variety of roadside meal choices...- but for the most part, if I could do that less and be creative more... that would hit the spot. I also feel more and more the pull of ministry... are there other things that I really want to be doing? Of course. Could I see myself in the Dominican Republic with my cute tan wife and our Gusbuster? Yep. But... Im not ready. Holly's not ready. Gus is always ready, as long as there is bacon available.
So, Im supposed to meet with this guy today. Last time we talked, he told me all sorts of nice things and how he wanted me to be one of his "go- to guys" when he had artists looking for songs. I was told that he wanted me to work with many of my favorite artists on songs- that he really felt comfortable throwing me into the fire like that. And that he was ready to go back and get some stuff in order to make me an offer. I said great- Ill call you when i get back in town. Well, im back in town. I called. He set an appointment for today. I showed up. As I walk in- his secretary gives me an "Oh..., he didnt call you did he?" face. Meeting is cancelled- resch. for next Wed.
I am not sure what to expect. I was dissapointed today, mostly because I got worked up about the meeting... Listening to Rich Mullins in the parking lot to psyche me up... and it didnt happen. Im tired of seeing another way to do this and not being able to walk through the door. If he wants to do this- lets do it. If not, cool. I really think i trust this guy and feel like if he says he wants me then he wants me- but people in nashville rarely mean what they say, and i am a little uneasy. I would really like to work with this guy- do this thing... write for artists and continue to perform on my own, just when it suits me... not when NorthPlatte Nebraska Community College wants me to come and waste an hour of my life singing to their zombie kids. This might just give me the open door into the industry that i have needed. Lots of artists get thier start by writing for others, this could be the case for me. Or- it could just be one more thing that bounces me along towards God's will (the actual will- not the retarded boy in the song... although I wish I had written that song...).