Songs for Sale...

The meeting went well. Today I met with a "big" guy in Christian music (as big as the Xian industry gets, anyway...). He had been interested about a year and a half ago, right when i came out of college, in me coming and writing music under his publishing/management/record company. I didnt know what I was doing and really wanted to accomplish a few things before he and I talked again- so... I waited a year and a half, got married, moved to nashville, toured full time (with a little landscaping and sub. teaching...), recorded an album, released an album, sold many units of said album, and now here I am, talking to the same guy about the same thing.
Mostly, I feel like I STILL don't know what I am doing. We did the books tonight and realized that after I pay Wally, Shell Gasoline, McDonalds, and George Bush- I made exactly... something like...around... a thousand dollars from these last shows. Wow. Raking it in, TJ. Not that we have not been successful- we have. But being away from Holly for three weeks is not worth a thousand dollars profit.
It has been an amazing year that has taught me so much about God's will and my own lack of trust in Him and in myself. The album is good, better than I ever thought it would be. The connections that I have made are good- lots of guys in town have worked hard to have less. God continues to bring people into my life who uplift,support, encourage (and promote) me. And here I am sometimes still wondering what the heck Im doing in Nashville.
Yet, this Nashville dream has taken an interesting turn.
It could be a step forward. It could be a sidebar. It could mean a possible end to a certain part of this dream. I dont know yet, and wont know for a while.
This guy, this music guy, tells me today that he still is really interested in me coming to work for him as a songwriter. Basically, he tells me that he doesnt see me as an artist right now- the album is good, the voice is good, the image is OK... but the songs... the songs are great, he tells me. So he wants the songs- and more of them... for his artists, and other artists, too. His company pitches them to other artists. If that song gets on the radio- I get paid. He gets paid. (this is a very loose explanation)
He says -from this point, I can get to know the industry- I can make connections- I can co-write with some great writers and artists- and continue to do what i am doing independently with my music. I can still record and sell indie albums, I can still tour and play, like I am doing now. There is still a possibility that someone could want to sign me as an artist- actually, a better possibility in some instances. Lots of guys get their start writing for other people. As a signed writer, some booking agents would be more open to working with me- booking me in the places that my current company can't really put me.
So- do I want to do this? Do I want to see myself primarily as a writer, and not an artist? Can I stomach other people going out and playing my songs night after night? I guess it all depends on the royalty checks... but truthfully- i think it is something I COULD do. When I get right down to it- if someone offered me a chance to be be the next John Mayer or Maroon 5 or Garth Brooks or whoever is huge right now- I dont know that I would jump at the chance. Do I really want to be that? Spend that kind of time? Do I really want to be on the road even more than I am right now? The truth is- I WANT to get paid more to do less of the travel and more of the creative stuff. Maybe this is an answer...?
I am getting together with one of his other staff writers to talk about what its like to work for the company- that will happen next week sometime, and until then, I will probably worry and fret and think and wonder and freak out.
Also- I got a call from the guy who I met with a few weeks ago- the guy who wanted to send me to Amsterdam... he wants me to play in the Tin Pan South- Christian showcase. Its the first christian stage at this big writer's/publishers' weekend here in nashville and it should be a good place to get heard and seen by industry folk... pumped to be asked to do that. Thats a good step forward..., but again, as a songwriter, not as an artist, really.
All in all- it was a good day- however stressful the opportunities might be- they are still opportunities. It may or may not be a step towards what I am looking for- but we will see. It will take some time and prayer to figure it out (yours and mine!)... but for now- I guess Im happy to have something new to worry about.
Thanks for reading this monster of a blog
Love you guys-
P.S.- I forgot green today and escaped all the pinches. Why am I sad about that?