Clark W. Griswold

Have you ever seen Christmas Vacation?
I feel like Clark W. Griswold. I think that he and I are pretty much made of the same stock. I usually start off whatever it is I am doing with the best intentions, however ill-planned or misconcieved. Things rarely turn out like I think they will- and usually for the worse. I tend to make decision that myself and those around me end up paying for- one way or another. So this year- I want to tell you about our trip - because i am Clark W. Griswold.
It is good to be here in Chicago with the in laws- mainly because we werent sure we would make it. After leaving town on Wednesday night- we started the two hour drive to Paducah, KY to pick up my in law's dog that was staying at my aunt's kennel. Well- it was on the way to Chi-town, anyway. Did I check the weather? Yes. Did I believe the weatherman? Not really. About Clarksville we got into some snow. No suprise, really, we knew there was a storm coming but thought we could beat it into KY. uh huh.
After two hours of driving 25 miles an hour, pulling over every ten minutes to beat the ice off of the wipers, we finally came to a stop. Us and every car on I 24. Traffic had backed up for miles and miles and miles and miles. This was at about 7:30 pm. We figured there was a wreck and we would get clear in an hour or so. Sure. CLark would look on the bright side too, i bet. Nope. Four hours come and go. Surely we wont be here much longer. Tick, tock. Another four hours, worried about gas, we shut off the car and got out the blankets. Nada. No Highway Patrol, no snowplows, no National Guard. All night long we sat on the Highway, waiting for something to happen, within eyesight of a Days Inn and and Hampton. Did I bring food and water? No. Just Diet Coke and a loaf of Christmas bread that was a fortunate gift from Holly's work.
If we could just get off the Highway... We thought about abandoning the car- but what if the line starts moving? We thought about trying to offroad it- (after all, we are in the Rav 4) Nope. The other cars started to empty around us- people getting out, conferring with each other, trying to get some news about the situation. Nada. No radio address, no loudspeakers on the highway- nothing. At some point- we had to use the restroom. But do we trek out into the snow to find a dead bush? Do we go outside and pee in front of the other thousand people standed behind us? We are already too cold for our own good. What do we do? Thank you, Diet Coke bottles.
Will we ever leave this patch of snow on 24? Will they just come to dig out our frozen bodies when it suits them? In the morning- someone gets news. They are clearing the road- it will be a few more hours. Like Four. Apparently- the Kentucky Patrol, Highway Divisions, and the National Guard all decided that we could just wait it out until morning. No attempts to clear the roads until then. Meanwhile- I was awake and bleary eyed at four A.M., convinced that someone would come any minute. Thanks for that. Merry Christmas.
After Fourteen hours sitting on the same patch of I-24, we finally started to move. The two hour trip to my aunts house turned into a twenty one hour adventure, complete with camping( in our car), snow skiing(my car did the skiiing) , and mild frostbite (my big toe is still kind of numb). So- this Christmas I am thankful to be anywhere but there. Lesson. Do not try to beat nature. You are not smart enough or strong enough to think that seventeen inches of snow cannot stop you from getting to your destination. Lesson. Do not travel without food, water, and large empty bottles with good-sized openings. Lesson. If your Christmas plans end up on the national news, it is usually not a good thing. Lesson. Do not travel with TJ. (some of you already know this.) So- merry Christmas. Clark would be proud. Play Ball!